


Lover's Inquisition

by Gilescandy



Series: The Lover's Series [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Discussion of Past Sexual Trauma, Giles/Willow non-ship, Mild torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-22 05:52:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilescandy/pseuds/Gilescandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Timeline: Begins the morning after chapter 5 of Lover’s Noose (A New Man).</p>
<p>Summary: Buffy is determined to find out exactly what happened between her friends at the hands of Spike. But will she be able to handle the truth she’s hunting?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Giles

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ashlynvance, my beta. This is written for il_mio_capitano. At the end of Lover’s Noose she expressed a desire to see more of Buffy dealing with and coming to terms with the newfound closeness of her friends. So this is that story. I hope it does not disappoint.
> 
> First posted for Summer_of_Giles 2013.

Lover’s Inquisition

Part 1 – Giles

Buffy reached in to knock on the door, still hanging from only its bottom hinge, with her other hand pressed tightly over her eyes. “Anybody there?” she called uncertainly. “Is it safe to come in?”

Giles looked up from his morning tea and newspaper. He didn’t know whether to smirk in amusement or sigh in exasperation. He was sure his face was doing an unattractive dance between the two, and part of him was glad Buffy couldn’t see it. Thoughts of the night before quickly pulled him back to a serious frown. “It’s all right, Buffy. I’m quite alone.”

There was still a hint of caution as the Slayer lowered her hand. “Willow’s not here?” she whispered, stepping over the threshold.

“No,” Giles looked back to his paper. “But you knocking is a novelty I might learn to enjoy. Did you happen to catch Spike?”

She glanced at the floor and huffed, “No.”

“Spry for a dead man, isn’t he?”

Buffy studied him as he sat, calmly sipping his tea. “Do you think this is a laughing matter?” she finally asked.

“No,” he sighed, setting everything aside and standing to face her. “After Xander lost you last night, he came back here. We made a quick inventory of the things we will require to fix this mess, and then he and Anya walked Willow home. I don’t know when he will arrive today with the supplies,” the Watcher squared his shoulders, “so I suggest we get on with what you came here to do.”

“And just what do you think that is?” Buffy asked with an arched brow.

He blew out a slow breath. “The pummeling, or the quartering, or whatever gruesome fate it is that you’ve decided I deserve.”

The Slayer watched as he stood tall before her, like a man facing a firing squad. It amazed her how much his certainty saddened her. “You really think I came back here to hurt you, don’t you?” She finally forced out, the words almost choking her. “That’s what you’ve been expecting all along.”

He removed his glasses and set them on the desk, all the while never looking into her eyes. “I hurt your friend. It’s only right.”

“But, Willow said--”

“Willow is a naive and trusting young girl,” his sudden growl made her jump. “She refuses to see the hard truth of what happened. She refuses to see what I had to become that night.”

“What was that?” Buffy whispered, tears pricking at her eyes as she watched her mentor suddenly begin to crumble in front of her.

Giles finally looked up at her, his gaze fiery, but oddly hollow. His voice was an airy hiss, “She had to choose her rapist that night. She chose me.”

“Giles… you’re not…”

“What else can you call it? I had intercourse with a young girl who had no intention of being intimate with me otherwise, and was only coerced into it by the threat of death.” He collapsed to the floor, the full weight of his actions falling on him as heavily as they had that night long ago.

A shiver of horror ran through her at his words, but, as she watched his body shake with a barely contained sob, she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything but sympathy for him. She knew that Willow was perfectly fine, and that her friend may even love him, despite, or even for, what happened. And yet, he was still torturing himself over it. Dropping to her knees, she wrapped her arms around him, holding on as he tried to refuse the comfort. “You’ve been waiting all this time for me to find out. You want me to punish you for what happened.” She whispered the revelations into his ear as her own tears broke loose.

“If Willow hadn’t stayed with me that night,” he breathed, “it might well have been my last.”

“Don’t you see, Giles? This is why Spike made you do it. This is what he wanted to happen to you.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Giles’ sorrow suddenly turned to anger. “I know why he keeps reminding me. I know why he thinks all his little jokes are funny. I’m not even surprised he turned up here when he did, the perfect time when Willow was distraught over Oz and trying to turn to the nearest source of comfort she could find. Asking me for things I can’t give her…”

“Why didn’t you just tell me Spike couldn’t be here?”

He looked into her eyes, his calm, logical demeanor returning as quickly as it had left. “Because then you would have insisted on knowing why. We couldn’t put the burden of this on you as well as the two of us.”

“I’m the Slayer, Giles. Burdens are kinda my job.”

“Yes, and it’s hard for me to remember sometimes that I am no longer your Watcher. I still want to protect you from the few I can.”

He got up and headed slowly into the kitchen. Buffy watched his back, her mouth hanging uselessly open. “But you are my Watcher,” she finally whispered feebly.

She heard the water come on in the sink, and some faint splashing like he was using the cool water to clear his face and mind. The stream then took on the hollow drumming of the kettle being filled. Buffy was slowly standing up and trying to sort through her own confusion when she heard him call out softly, “Would you like some tea? There’s also juice or some instant coffee if you prefer.”

Sitting on a stool at the pass-through, she looked at him with concern. “Is that it? I’m not gonna hit you, so now you’re just gonna shove it all back down inside?”

There was a deep sadness in his eyes when they met hers again. “What else is there to do?” He glanced pointedly to the tray of alcohol before turning back to the stove.

“You can forgive yourself for doing what you had to…” she mumbled. “Looked to me like Willow has.”

He planted his hands against the oven and dropped his head between hunched shoulders. “Willow is an angel with a capacity to forgive far beyond my own.”

“That’s not true, Giles. The only person I haven’t seen you forgive is yourself. You even forgave me when I let Angel--”

“No!” he turned around sharply. “Don’t start that. Nothing he ever did was your fault.”

“And what Spike did was yours?” Buffy returned gently.

Giles sighed, shaking his head with a small smile of defeat. “It’s not the same, but I will let you have the point.” There was a moment of quiet as he poured his hot water into a teapot. “So, if not to give me my just deserts, why have you come this morning?”

“I can’t just come see you?” she smiled lamely.

He quirked a soft grin, “Not for some time now.”

The Slayer growled softly as he made up his tea tray and headed for the couch. She plopped down beside him and huffed, “One day you’re going to be wrong, and I’m gonna be there to see it.”

“But today is not that day,” he prompted good-naturedly.

Buffy sighed, trying to decide if she should tell the truth after his earlier break down, or if she could quickly make something up. But it was no use, she needed to know. “I came back because I need to know what happened that night between you and Willow. I need to know what Spike did to you.”

Giles gave a small nod and took a sip of his tea. “I told you what happened… last night.”

“No… You gave us the Cliff’s Notes version. I want the novel.”

He gave her an odd sidelong look. “You’ve never asked what happened to me before. After any number of incidents.”

“I know, I know… But that’s because I thought all they did, all Spike did, was hurt you… you know, physically. And I didn’t want to hear about it because I couldn’t stand thinking about you in so much pain, because of me. And I know you’re strong and you can handle pain and stuff, but I didn’t think I could handle it, yours… in detail.” Her voice faded into a mumble.

Compassion filled his expressive eyes as she tried to explain. Giles pulled her comfortingly against his solid side. “Oh, Buffy. I’ve never blamed you for anything. Not once. And, even if you had asked, I wouldn’t have told you.” She took a deep breath, accepting his comfort. “Just like I’m not going to tell you now.”

She sprang back, her eyes wide as she stared at him. “Why not?”

“Because… what happened is between those of us who were there. You already know all you ever need to.”

“That’s not true. I need to know how Spike… I need to know what he… I need to know if the people I care about are…” Buffy sputtered. “I need to know if you and Willow are…”

Giles sighed, “You’re getting closer. You need to know if Willow and I are what?”

The Slayer’s face twisted in thought as she tried to figure out what exactly was bugging her. “A few weeks ago Willow spent the night here…”

“Yes, more than one, as I remember,” he nodded.

“Well, I know she was taking care of you after those demons beat you up. But, before that… You guys weren’t really working on a prophecy, were you?”

“No, we weren’t,” Giles answered calmly.

“I knew Willow sounded different. I knew she was acting weird… and that was when your girlfriend was here.” Her eyes went wide. “Don’t tell me…”

Shaking his head with a sad chuckle, Giles sighed, “Sometimes your imagination is a dangerous thing. Buffy, Willow came here and found me something of a mess. She stayed to watch over the self-pitying, old fool. That was the day Olivia left me.”

“Olivia dumped you!?!” Buffy sounded incredulous. “How could she do that?”

“It was what was right for her. But thank you for at least acting shocked.”

“Wills is right, I’m completely blind when it comes to other people’s relationships. I had no clue about Olivia, and I didn’t even see any change between you and Willow.”

Giles turned and rubbed his soothing hand along her upper arm. “That’s because nothing had changed between us. Especially not until… well, until Thanksgiving.”

“Is that when she asked you to be… together with her?”

“Willow was lonely and scared that she’d never find what she had with Oz again. I was convenient.”

“And she thought you might because you had…”

“That may have been part of her argument,” he acknowledged. “But I told her it couldn’t be.”

“Is that why she was so upset? It wasn’t Spike, it was because you said no to her?” He nodded slowly. Buffy bit her lip for a moment before asking, “Why?”

Giles’ eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, total wiggins at the thought. But why?”

“Because I have nothing of worth to offer Willow.”

“Apparently, she thinks you do.”

“No. She was looking for momentary physical satisfaction. What she deserves is so much more.”

The slayer frowned in thought. “You never even considered it?”

“What is it you want me to tell you, Buffy? That I’m a wretched old letch? That I sometimes think of her late at night? Or is something else bothering you?”

“I just want to know what I’m up against.” Buffy looked surprised at her own statement, then quickly added, “With Spike.”

But her Watcher wasn’t fooled. He smiled sadly at her. “I still consider you my Slayer, Buffy. No one is going to take your place in my affections. I will continue to love all of you, same as I have for nearly four years now.”

“But how can you? Willow is so caring and helpful and, hell, she even remembers to come here to visit you.”

“It’s not a contest. I don’t give out points.”

“And yet she now gets the hugging and the kissing,” Buffy said quietly, her eyes narrowing a touch. “Or have I been missing that little development with Xander, too?”

Giles stood in exasperation and paced for a moment. He turned and gazed down at her, pleading in his eyes. “What is it you want from me, Buffy? Do you need to somehow feel even with Willow?” He gestured wildly at the stairs. “Should I take you up to my bed right now and have my wicked way with you? Would that somehow make you feel better?”

The Slayer lowered her eyes and shook her head slowly. “No… I don’t want that.”

“Good,” Giles sat heavily and ran his hands over his face. “Because I don’t think I could ever do that again… with any of you. Once was too much.”

His head in his hands, he almost missed Buffy’s nearly inaudible, “But you do love her.” He looked over at her, tears threatening in his eyes. “Not a contest, Giles. I’m just saying… You wouldn’t be this upset about it if you didn’t.”

Her Watcher smiled slightly at her perception. “I won’t admit to that. Willow needs to be with someone good and wonderful. And I’ll be damned if I’ll ever stand in the way of that happening.”

“Even if the good and wonderful person she wants is you?”

“A description that doesn’t come close to fitting me,” he ducked his head and whispered.

Buffy’s arms came around him. “If I had Spike here, I would kill him for making you feel this way,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“And I wouldn’t let you.” He took a deep breath and held her arm loosely as she began to pull away. “You don’t slay those who can’t defend themselves, Buffy. Spike makes sport of turning us into things we’re not. I won’t let him do it to you, too.”

When he let her sit back, there was anger in the Slayer’s eyes. “He didn’t change you, you know. You’re still Giles. The man any one of us would gladly trust with our lives. The man we were completely lost without yesterday. Spike is going to pay for what he did to you.”

Giles swallowed hard but didn’t look at her. “You did well despite my absence. And Willow is right… Spike is of no consequence anymore. Truthfully, I’m glad he escaped you. Leave him to his impotence.” Buffy opened her mouth, but he continued. “Don’t you have class this morning?”

She was stunned for a second. “Yeah. How did you know?”

“Willow told me you had one with her.”

Buffy nodded. “Are you going to be alright?”

He raised his head and smiled at the young blonde. “Yes, Buffy. Xander will be here soon if you’re worried. But I’m fine, and you really shouldn’t skip your classes.”

“All right,” She stood and started towards the door. “Oh, and Giles… I’m sorry about overreacting last night. It was a shock. I hope you know that I wouldn’t hurt you… on purpose.”

“Thank you. And I completely understand. I… I hope you know that I never wanted to hurt any of you either. Though, I do often have my failings.”

The Slayer shook her head, but she didn’t have the heart to continue that argument. So she turned to go. When she was out of his sight, she stopped to look back through the open door. He had crossed to the pass-through and was slowly pouring himself a glass of scotch. Buffy could finally see the broken man showing through cracks in his whitewashed façade, the pieces of his soul that Spike, among others, had fractured. Her anger flared brightly once more as she spun and strode quickly away.


	2. Willow

Part 2 - Willow

Willow was surprised to enter the dorm room and see Buffy sitting on her bed and staring into space. The look on the Slayer’s face was so intense she almost felt like she was intruding.

“Buffy?” she called softly.

Her friend blinked a few times and looked over at her. “Hey, Wills,” she half mumbled.

“You weren’t in class,” Willow continued brightly, almost afraid to find out what was on the Slayer’s mind. “But don’t worry. I took lots of notes for you.”

“Oh, thanks,” Buffy said distractedly.

The witch sighed and went to sit across from her friend. “Are you mad at me? Because of how I yelled at you last night?” she ventured carefully.

“What?” the question seemed to snap Buffy out of it. “No. I’m more mad at myself. I should have known better than to think anything bad about Giles.”

“Don’t worry, Buff. He was fine when I left him last night.” She bit her lip. “Is Spike…?” Willow finished the sentence by making a staking gesture.

“No,” Buffy groaned, not meeting her eyes, “I lost him.”

“Oh… That’s okay. At least you attacked the right person.”

The Slayer had a pained look when she asked, “Is it so easy for all of you the think I’d hurt Giles, or any of you?”

“Well, you know. Sometimes when you get mad about stuff you get kinda all grrr. And you do tend to really get mad at Giles about some things.” She grimaced, “Of course, I wasn’t helping much either, I guess.”

Buffy showed a tiny smile. “You were gonna take me down if I went for him. I could see it in your eyes.”

“Couldn’t have you touching my man,” the redhead teased with a grin.

“You really wish he was, don’t you? Your man, I mean.”

Willow had a shy smile. “I… Would it be so bad if I did? Try to take a minute and think about him as just a guy, Buffy. Not a librarian, or a teacher, or your Watcher. Just another guy. He’s super smart, and kind, and funny, and brave. And he’d do anything for us. Isn’t that all we could want in a boyfriend?”

“I guess.” Buffy sat back against her headboard and pulled he knees up to her chest. “It’s just so hard not to think of him as… well Giles.”

“I know. Most the time I think he’s grateful for that. He freaks out enough when I start to flirt with him. Don’t think he could handle it coming from anyone else.” The witch got up and went to her closet for a change of clothes.

After a few minutes, Buffy spoke again. “He lets you do it because of what you guys went through together.”

Willow turned and gave her a strange look of not quite understanding. “I guess so. He can tell when I’m teasing him most the time.”

“What did Spike do to you that night?”

Her friend came and sat on the bed in front of her. “Giles told you that last night,” she answered softly.

“He told me the bare minimum. I need to know everything that happened.” There were tears threatening in the Slayers eyes that confused Willow even more.

“You never asked before.”

“That’s because I thought he just hurt Giles,” Buffy nearly shouted, then regained he composure. “I didn’t want to hear about it because Giles is always getting beaten up because of me. And I don’t like to think about it. But this is different.”

“Different? You mean because Spike hurt Giles psychologically instead of physically.”

“Yeah, and not only Giles. You, too.”

Willow hung her head and whispered, “I was just the weapon he used. The one he really wanted to get to was Giles.”

Buffy reached out and touched her arm with sudden tenderness. “That wasn’t you fault. It was that creep of a vampire.”

There was moisture in the witch’s eyes when she looked up. “I didn’t see what was happening until it was too late. When Spike told us what he wanted, Giles tried everything he could to get me out of there safely. He even offered his own life to get Spike to let me go. But I couldn’t let that happen, even if Spike agreed. So I convinced Giles that giving in was all we could do. It wasn’t until afterward that I realized what I’d done to him.”

“Don’t you mean what he did to you?”

“No,” Willow whispered. “The truth is, I wasn’t afraid that night. Spike said he was giving me to Giles and I wasn’t afraid anymore.”

“Because you knew Giles would protect you.”

“Buffy, you’re not getting it.” Willow shook her head and sighed. “I wanted it to happen. It was like my darkest fantasy was coming true. You know I’d had a crush on him for so long, since the first day I saw him. And then it was suddenly happening. I was going to have that sweet, gentle man as my first lover, and there was someone else to blame when the rest of the world told me it was wrong.” She blinked a tear away. “But the world is stupid because how could loving a man like him be wrong?”

The Slayer swallowed hard. “That was before you and Oz even…”

“Oz could smell it on us that night. He could tell exactly what happened. But he never doubted we did what we had to.”

“Well, you did. I mean, face it, you can be as hard on yourself as you want, but if there had really been any other way, Giles would have found it. Spike was going to kill you both.”

Willow took the words as the comfort they were meant to be and showed a soft smile. “Spike thought he was gonna torture me that night. Instead he gave me a gift I’ll cherish forever.”

Buffy couldn’t help an embarrassed chuckle. “Can’t believe I’m asking this, but I guess that means the old man was pretty good, huh?”

The redhead giggled, too. “Don’t ask if you can’t handle it, because I will tell you,” she teased.

“Hey, I caught you trying to suck his face off. I think my trauma level is pretty much maxed.” Then a serious glint entered her eyes. “You really aren’t upset your first time wasn’t with Oz?”

“I did love Oz, still do,” Willow sighed. “But… are you upset your first time was with Angel? I mean, don’t think about what happened after. Just remember that night. How he made you feel. Would you have rather your first time was with somebody young and out for himself… like Parker? Sorry, that wasn’t a fair comparison,” she cringed at her friend’s shiver. “Don’t get me wrong, Oz was good and did his best for me. But Giles…”

“Better,” Buffy finished automatically.

“I’ve never felt so treasured in my entire life.”

“So he didn’t hurt you like he thinks he did.”

Willow smirked. “Sometimes Giles is a clueless and innocent old man. He has no idea what dirty little secrets lurk in the minds of young girls.”

Buffy held back a laugh at how much her statement mirrored what he had said earlier. “So… When I caught you guys last night…”

“You were there yesterday. I thought we’d lost him. He was dead and I’d never get to see him again. He came home and noticed I’d been crying, so he was trying to comfort me. That’s when you showed up with no warning.”

“I’m so sorry, Willow,” Buffy shook her head. “I was so focused on finding my Watcher, I didn’t even notice you were going through something like that.”

“In all fairness, I held it together pretty well. Until I was alone with nothing left to do and it all came crashing down on me.” She looked up with a small smile. “You know, that was only the third time he’s ever really kissed me.”

“But, I thought…”

Willow shook her head slowly, “It’s not like Spike said. We don’t steal away every chance we get and make out. The first time was after Oz sent for his stuff and he made me tell him what was wrong. He kissed me to show me I was still worth loving. The second was when Olivia left him and he was the one who needed comforting.”

“And the third was when you thought he’d died,” Buffy finished softly. “I can’t believe that bitch dumped him.”

With a chuckle, Willow said, “I bet he’d be surprised to hear you say that.”

“Because I called him old and gross...”

“And you’re surprised we didn’t think you’d want to know what really happened between us that night?”

Buffy snorted in spite of herself. “I’m trying here. It’s just wiggy to think about. It’s you and Giles. Makes my brain wanna short circuit or something.”

“He was so scared,” Willow whispered almost to herself. “I’ve never seen him like that before. He was shaking.”

“Giles? Giles doesn’t get scared.”

“That’s just it, Buffy. We were trapped in that basement and he was facing down Spike. He even made Spike mad enough at one point to grab him and put his fangs to his throat. But, through all that, Giles never showed how frightened he was. I was the one who had to make it stop and promised Spike we’d do anything he said. Then Spike made him strip, and somehow Giles talked him into letting me stay dressed. At that point he seemed more pissed off than anything else. I didn’t know where to look or what to do. But suddenly Giles was kneeling in front of me and telling me I should look at him.”

The Slayer screwed he face up and murmured, “Eww.”

“Buffy, he was stunning. Sure he’s not a model, but I had never seen a man look like that in real life. I’m sure he thought seeing what I was getting would make me change my mind. He has no idea how handsome he really is. Not that we had spent much time reminding him.”

“Is that why you like to flirt with him now? Just to remind him he’s handsome?”

“One of the reasons.” Willow was blushing at the memory. “Before I could catch my breath, he was telling me how he wasn’t going to hurt me and then he started touching me. Nowhere they’d make you point out on a doll, but just so I could see how it felt to be touched in a loving way. He also asked permission before doing every little thing. It was so sweet, but kinda annoying at the same time. But it was when he started touching me that I felt it. His hands were trembling. We’ve seen that man stare down so many horrible things without even a flinch, but touching me like that scared him.”

“Do you think he thought you’d hate him for it?”

“Maybe. I think he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was doing something very wrong. He even wanted me to imagine he was someone else so I didn’t have to completely be with him. So, I did the only thing I could think of that might help him. I told him about my crush. I told him that the only one I really wanted him to be… was him.”

“And that made him feel better?”

“I can’t say he felt better. He actually looked at me and started crying. I kissed his cheek and told him it would be all right. That was enough to help him go on and give me my first major… Oh, you don’t want to know about that.”

Buffy forced her eyes open. “It’s Giles,” she whined. “Imagining it makes my head hurt.”

Willow giggled. “He just wanted to help prepare my body so he wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Great,” the Slayer groaned. “So it wasn’t what I thought. Only now I know my Watcher is good at foreplay.”

“Did you ever doubt he would be?” Willow laughed.

“Stop that,” she warned at the teasing. “Go back to what Spike was doing.”

“Well, Giles was letting me rest for a minute. And I could hear them talking. Spike was teasing him that he didn’t think he’d be able to make me… you know. Giles wasn’t happy. He was threatening Spike, and I think he offered himself again to get him to let me go. But Spike was having too much fun forcing Giles to feel like the bad guy. So he said no and told Giles to continue.”

“And that’s when…”

“That’s when Giles was suddenly lying next to me on the bed. He was asking me if I was all right. And he told me I could still change my mind. By then I was sure Spike would kill him if he tried anything stupid, so I wasn’t going to risk that. He said that things would never be the same between us again. I guess he was right. We wouldn’t have let ourselves get as close as we are now. But I think I like us better this way. I mean, you’re still my best friend, and Xander, but Giles is…”

“…Someone who’s been there through good and bad, and is strength when you need him and not afraid to be weak when he needs you.”

“Wow,” Willow breathed. “I guess you do understand.”

“There are some things,” Buffy smiled sadly. “Then what…?

“Well… Then he asked me to help him because he wasn’t… um… ready, yet. His voice sounded so small when he asked, almost like he couldn’t believe I ever would. The little sounds that he made and the looks that crossed his face… I’d never felt that kind of power before. Being able to do that to a man like him. It was amazing. And then--”

“Ok, skip! I can’t hear this.”

Willow chuckled understandingly. “At the last moment he froze and I didn’t think he could bring himself to do it, but Spike did something to him to force him to. That was the only instant of pain I felt that night and it was Spike’s fault.” She nodded as Buffy tried to retreat from the image. “He was so gentle. He made sure I did and he didn’t. That was when I caught a glimpse of Spike standing there naked. He’d changed his mind about me. But then they were both gone.”

“Spike… that lying bastard,” the Slayer hissed.

“I’m not sure what happened between them, but next time I caught sight of them Spike was about to bite Giles again. It scared me and I started to cry. Then Giles came back to me. That’s when he collapsed and I finally realized what it all had done to him. He was almost catatonic. Spike disappeared, and I… um… got Giles dressed, and that’s when you found us.”

“He was so quiet that night. We all thought it was pain or something. But he was so withdrawn because…”

“Because of what he thought he’d done to me. That’s why I had to stay with him that night. I thought… He was so sad and being so hard on himself… I thought he might…”

“Just like he said he would have,” Buffy whispered under her breath.

Willow didn’t catch it and continued, “I’m glad you came to ask me about it, Buff. It’s been all this time, but Giles is still a little fragile on the subject. Especially now that you know. No telling how he’d react.”

A tear ran down the Slayer’s cheek. “Willow, I didn’t know. I went to him first this morning.”

“Oh God, Buffy, you didn’t do anything to him, did you?”

“No… I’m not even sure what I went there for in the first place anymore, but when I showed up he was expecting me to… Will, he wanted me to punish him. Said he deserved it for what he did to you. He was so… I couldn’t be angry with him anymore.”

“And you left him there alone after that?” Willow stood and began gathering her things.

“He swore he was okay, and he basically ordered me to go. Xander was going to be there any minute and I think he needed some time alone. But Xand can take care of him. He won’t do anything stupid with…”

“Buffy, it’s eleven am. Xander isn’t even up yet. We need to go check on him.”

The Slayer stood, her face an angry mask again, but the tears still stood out in her focused eyes. “Giles can’t be this broken! If he is, what hope is there for the rest of us? He’s the strongest…”

“It’s alright,” Willow tried to sooth when her voice broke. “I’m sure I’m over-reacting. He’s been fine all this time.”

“No, he’s not. You know it, and this morning I finally saw it. You go take care of your man, Will. I have a vampire to deal with.” With that, Buffy stormed out of the room.

Willow could only watch, her jaw hanging open at the cryptic comment. After a moment, she whispered, “Oh no,” and rushed to go.


	3. Spike

Part 3 – Spike

“Giles!” Willow yelled as she slammed through his front door. It crashed open, knocking the man who’d been on the other side holding it up to his back. Willow tripped and landed on top of him, his arms coming up to catch her automatically. 

“Good morning, my dear” the words rumbled in his chest as he tried to contain a chuckle. 

She couldn’t help but grin and blush, looking down at him from her rather comfortable position. “Hey yourself.”

“Okay,” Xander’s voice came from behind the half re-attached door. “Just because I said I was fine with you two being all cuddly, doesn’t mean I want any of the visuals.”

“Sorry,” Willow giggled, rolling off her human mattress.

Giles sat up and straightened his glasses. “Was there a reason you felt the need to impersonate a human wrecking ball?”

“Oh, yeah,” She got to her feet and grabbed his arm to help him up. “Buffy and I just had a long talk, and she told me she came here first this morning, and I was worried that you’d be a little… you know, after telling her about it.”

“I’m fine, Willow. Buffy already knew all she needed to, and I told her as much. I hope she didn’t prise forth more than you wanted to tell, though I dare say it was far more than I’d be comfortable with anyone apart from us knowing.”

Willow ducked her head. “She needed to know what I did to you.”

“Luv,” he tenderly lifted her chin. “You’ve done nothing but bring light into my life. Never forget that. It was Spike who--”

“That’s it… Spike!”

“What about him?” Giles asked, confused.

“I think Buffy’s going to do something to him.”

The Watcher shook his head. “Buffy lost Spike last night. She told me.”

“That’s what she told me, too. But, when she just left me, she was really upset and muttering about having a vampire to deal with.”

Xander joined the conversation. “So what? Spike should have been taken out a long time ago. I hope she finally stakes that son of a--”

“Xander, this isn’t about Spike. It’s about Buffy. He can’t defend himself anymore,” Willow said.

“So…?”

“I have as much reason to want him dust as any, but Willow’s right. Once that line is crossed there’s no turning back. Trust me.”

Willow bit her lip. “If she did catch him and stash him somewhere, where would she be?”

Xander looked back and forth between them, trying to decide if he should interfere in Spike’s fate. He sighed at their clear worry for Buffy’s sake. “I know where I’d take him after what we found out last night. They’re at the factory.”

“The scene of his crime,” Giles said evenly.

“We have to go stop her,” Willow grabbed his hand and pulled. The Watcher nodded, reaching for his jacket.

Xander stepped back from the reach of her other hand. “I’ll be here working when you get back.”

“You’re not coming?”

He shook his head. “If I’m ever in the same room with Spike again, I’ll stake him myself. Helpless or not.”

Giles nodded, understanding the boy’s feelings perfectly. His anger on their behalf was rather moving. With one last check of his pockets, he followed Willow out the door.

***

Spike tried to pull at the chains binding him to the posts at the foot of the bed again. They held fast, even against vampire strength. He rolled his head back will a slight chuckle, remembering that he had set the bolts firm himself years ago.

A loud crack echoed through the room as what was left of the heavy wooden door exploded off its hinges. The Slayer stood there, staring at him with a dark hatred he had never before seen in her eyes.

There was a smirk on Spike’s lips as she slowly paced toward him. “Done interrogatin’ the others, are you, Slayer? Ready to start on me now?”

“Tell me what you did to them, Spike,” Buffy growled.

“You leave anything left of the old man?” the vampire continued lightly. “Give him what for ‘cause he was a naughty, little boy?”

She grabbed the short hair at the back of his head and yanked it down to make him look up at her. “Shut up and tell me!”

“A bit difficult--” a hard backhand brought blood to the corner of his mouth. Spike slowly licked it away and smiled in dark triumph. “Feels good, doesn’t it, Girl? To not give a damn about the rules. To do what’s right for you and yours. Finally ready to let yourself go, Slayer?”

“Is this what you wanted all along? My complete attention?” She slapped him, snapping his head the other direction. “Well, you have it now. So start talking!”

Spike chuckled again. “Didn’t you pull enough outta your groupies?” He looked up into her eyes. “No, you didn’t, did you? Let me guess. You got almost nothing from the Watcher. Only that he failed little Red and is a very bad man for what he did… And the witch, well she remembers the night completely different. Told you all about the rutting knight in shining armor coming to her rescue and turning her into a woman.”

“Why did you make them do it?” Buffy muttered.

Spike shrugged the best he could with his arms bound and spread above his head. “Seemed like a laugh at the time. Was dead on ‘bout it getting your goat too, even all this time later.” A straight punch threatened to break his nose. “Bloody hell,” Spike groaned.

“Tell me what you did.”

The vampire shook the pain away and grinned, “Make me.” Buffy hit him again, only this time he laughed. “That all you got, Slayer? Just gonna keep poundin’ on me? Should ask the old man to teach you some better torture techniques. He’s experienced on both sides, remember?” His smile brightened as her expression turned to pain. “Have to admit, what I did was only a bit of fun compared to the company of good ol’ Angelus. I listened to the screams of your Watcher for hours that night. Was like music. Of course, didn’t act like much of a retired librarian when you left me at his mercy all those weeks. And he didn’t even remind you to bring the holy water now that it’s your turn?” At the next punch stars exploded behind Spike’s eyes.

“You’re a pig, Spike.” Buffy walked away and returned a few moments later with a wooden chair. She sat in front of the vampire and grabbed his jaw to make him look at her. “Now tell me,” she growled with steel in her gaze.

“You don’t really want the truth, Slayer. You just want some kind of confession that I’m still evil before you stake me. Well I am, so ya’ might as well get on with it.”

“I do want the truth,” Buffy insisted.

Spike gave a dark, low laugh. “You’ll never have him like she did. Never touch him that close. Never know the secrets they whisper to each other. Now you’re just askin’ to torture yourself.” She stayed silent and glared at him. “The truth is, I’m love’s bitch. Was that night I was hell bent on winning Dru back. Likely still am and always will be. When I came back here and saw them all cuddled up together, both their heart-rates soaring, both of them giving off the tell-tale signals neither would admit to… I couldn’t help it. Why not let them get a taste of what they were missing and crave what they’d never get again for the rest of their pathetic existences. Then they’d be just like me.”

“You’re saying you were giving them what they wanted.”

“Ain’t that a kick, hey Slayer? Father figure there lusting after your little friend all along. And lil’ Red just dyin’ for any chance to jump his bones. All the pheromones flyin’ ‘round in here that night was enough to make me dizzy. How could a demon like me pass up the chance to let my prey destroy themselves? Rupes knew he wanted her, now he’ll never forgive himself for giving into his own dirty, little desires.”

Buffy shook her head. “No. You would have killed them it they didn’t do what you wanted. They have nothing to blame themselves for because it was all your fault.”

“Got that story from Red, didn’t you?” Spike grinned. He could see the uncertainty creeping into her eyes. 

“Even if what you say is true, they would have never acted on any of it. Especially Giles. Even when it wasn’t his fault, he still feels… We’re not animals like you vamps!”

“Well, technically you humans are more animal than--” Buffy lashed out with another backhand, but the pleased gleam remained in his eyes. “Watcher still feelin’ guilty? I can tell you why that is, Slayer. I sat right in that chair you’re in now and witnessed the whole thing. The way he pawed his filthy hands over every tiny inch of her young, supple body. The way his fingers slid deep inside her. The way he so eagerly tasted her sweet essence. And, when he was finally done with all his foreplay, the sounds of pure pleasure he made when shoving his hard prick into her tight, virgin pussy. He’s guilty because he knows how much he wanted and enjoyed every moment.”

“Shut up, Spike,” Buffy shook her head.

“And then there was the innocent, little Willow… She was ready for him at the mere mention of the possibility. I gave him the chance to take her and her knickers were dripping that instant. Watched him strip off and couldn’t wait to get her hot, little hands on him. So encouraging, so unwilling to let him find another way out. She took that wrinkled, old cock like the sex starved bint she was. Devouring him, trying to suck his whole being inside her juicy, clutching cun--”

“Stop!” she shouted with a punch that rocked his head back hard. But Spike laughed, licking at the blood now flowing from his nose.

“It’s turning you on, isn’t it, Slayer? The thought of them moving together in that naughty, carnal dance. I can smell it on you like I smelled it on her.”

“No,” Buffy hit him again. It only spurred him on.

“Can’t say I blame you. Turned me on to watch them. Never thought anyone could make a virgin look that good. I wanted my chance at your spitfire friend, but the Watcher wasn’t having it. When he finished with her, he took me, too. Brutal and without mercy it was. I hadn’t been taken like that since Angelus.” Buffy’s eyes widened. “Your poof of a boyfriend never told you ‘bout any of that, did he? Did you think you were his one and only? Looks like you know as much ‘bout him as your doddery, old Watcher. Those were the hands of experience that made me scream and spurt that night.”

The Slayer jumped up and threw the chair down, smashing it. She picked up a sharp splinter of leg as a stake and brandished it threateningly. “He was protecting Willow! If you hadn’t gone back on your word he wouldn’t have had to do any of it!”

“True. But now that you’ve heard, you’ll never be able to look at him without wondering who with or when ever again.”

“I’m gonna dust you for what you did to them.”

“You should. To be honest, I was still planning to kill them after everything that night. What better way to weaken you, Slayer? I was close enough to taste the old wanker’s blood. But then your best friend started weeping, and your Watcher went to pieces. It was much more delicious to leave them with the memory of what they’d done for the rest of their measly lives. Plus, there was the bonus of you never trusting them again. Didn’t expect they could keep the secret so long.” He looked defiantly at her through half swollen eyes. “It’s only a matter of time before the guilt and resentment get the better of them now. I think I’ll make it my new joy in life to help that along. Which one do you think will end the pain first? You can’t protect them, Girl. Even now, I’ll still take them away from you.”

“You will never come near them again!” Buffy roared, lunging at him with the stake.

Willow’s shriek of, “Buffy, No!” sounded distant in the Slayer’s pounding ears. She froze, the point of her weapon resting against the broad chest that suddenly appeared in front of her.

“Bloody hell,” Spike groused, but no one paid him any attention as Giles gently took the stake from her shaking hand and reached out to cup her cheek. His slayer collapsed against him, sobbing.

“He can’t… I won’t let him,” Buffy babbled as she wept.

Giles tenderly passed her into Willow’s comforting arms and turned to deal with the vampire.

“Finally getting your wish?” Spike panted up at the man glaring down at him. His swollen eyelids and split lips making him nearly blind as he slurred his words. The Watcher remained silent as he unlocked the chains and dragged the vampire away from the girls. “What?” Spike chuckled through the pain he couldn’t hide. “Gonna have your way with me again before takin’ your revenge?”

Giles spun him so they were face to face. Shoving something into the vampire’s hand, he ground out, “This is what I owe you for helping me yesterday, Spike. I suggest you take it and leave town for good.”

“Not goin’ anywhere until I get this bloody chip outta my head. Might as well have your girl dust me now.”

The Watcher grabbed Spike by the hair and forced their eyes to meet. “You don’t fool me. I can see it in your eyes behind all the bravado. You’re afraid of death, afraid of the hell that’s surely waiting for you. You know I would never allow Buffy to take a defenseless life. There is a price for that I will never let her bear the burden of. Her soul is pure and will remain that way. She’s a hero, you see. Not like us.”

“Us? Then what’s your excuse?”

A wicked grin curved Giles’ lips. “I like to see the fear in you. To watch you scramble around, trying to convince yourself that you still amount to one damn thing. You fear death, but life terrifies you even more. I won’t dust you because I enjoy your suffering too much.”

An imperceptible shudder ran through Spike, having already seen the darkness in the man before him. “I’ll still be ‘round to keep reminding you of what you can’t have, Watcher,” he spat, glancing pointedly at Willow.

“That’s what you’ll never understand, Vampire,” Giles replied. “I do have Willow in my life in every way that truly matters to me. You will never be able to take that away from me.” He pushed the stumbling blonde toward the door. “If you are determined to stay in Sunnydale, I suggest you find a deep hole to crawl into. The Initiative is still out there hunting for you, and we will no longer provide you any assistance. If I were you, I’d disappear for a good long time.”

Spike opened his mouth to spit a reply, but all he got was the man’s back as he walked away. 

“I’ve got you… It’s all right…” Willow murmured soothing words as she held her shaking friend. Her eyes lifted to see the approaching Watcher and he nodded that the vampire had been dispatched. “It’s over now. He’s gone.”

“I won’t let him hurt you.” Buffy turned her head to see Giles and pulled him into a crushing three-way hug. “I don’t care if you guys are together or not. He can’t take you away from me. I need you both in my life. I can’t lose you.”

“Buffy,” Giles soothed, stroking her hair and ignoring the painful pressure on his ribs. “We aren’t going anywhere. We both love you. Nothing is going to change that.”

“That’s right,” Willow added. “Yes, I love Giles. But, even if he didn’t turn me down all the time, he’s a part of you. And so am I. We’re all Scoobies. No evil force on Earth will ever change that.” She tugged at Buffy’s chin to look into her eyes. “We’re here for you and always will be.”

Buffy buried her head between them and squeezed tighter. 

“Umm… Buffy,” Giles grunted. “Slayer strength. It’s getting rather difficult to breathe.”

She loosened her grip, but didn’t let them go. “What did you do with Spike?” she asked after a few more long moments.

“That doesn’t matter,” Giles murmured. “He’s not a threat to us or anyone else anymore. I’d be surprised if we ever saw him again.”

Buffy looked up at her Watcher, unshed tears making her eyes sparkle. “I won’t let anyone take you and hurt you again, I promise. I know lately it seems like I’ve forgotten about you, but it’s not true. You’re always there when I need you. Knowing that makes me feel like I have a chance in this world.”

Giles swallowed hard as words failed him.

The Slayer turned to Willow and added, “And I would be completely lost without my best friend. I need you, too, and whatever makes you happy, I can deal with.” The witch began to tear up as well. “Even if it’s…” her eyes glanced toward the Watcher.

“Let’s…” Giles cleared his throat. “Let’s get out of this dreadful place. I know Xander is waiting for us, and I wouldn’t mind never thinking on this room ever again.”

“Really?” Willow peeped as they moved together to leave. “Because I have some pretty nice memories that happened here.”

“Willow…” Giles growled a light warning.

“There was this one guy with a very cute little butt…”

Giles groaned good-naturedly and, as she walked between them, Buffy realized that the playful teasing didn’t bother her much at all. She loved them both, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
